kyanited: (Default)
My favorite book when I was 16/17, given to me by someone very special and very dear, who 'entrusted' me with her copy.


Demian about the story of Cain and Abel:


We walked on. I felt very self-conscious. Suddenly
Demian laughed as though something had struck him as
funny.

"Yes, when we had class together," he burst out. "The
story of Cain who has that mark on his forehead. Do you
like it?"

No, I didn't. It was rare for me to like anything we had
to learn. Yet I didn't dare confess it, for I felt I was being
addressed by an adult. 1 said I didn't much mind the story.

Demian slapped me on the back.

"You don't have to put on an act for me. But in fact the
story is quite remarkable. It's far more remarkable than
most stories we're taught in school. Your teacher didn't
go into it at great lengths. He just mentioned the
usual things about God and sin and so forth. But I be-
lieve—" He interrupted himself and asked with a smile:

"Does this interest you at all?"

"Well, I think," he went on, "one can give this story
about Cain quite a different interpretation. Most of the
things we're taught I'm sure are quite right and true, but
one can view all of them from quite a different angle than
the teachers do—and most of the time they then make
better sense- For instance, one can't be quite satisfied with
this Cain and the mark on his forehead, with the way it's
explained to us. Don't you agree? It's perfectly possible
for someone to kill his brother with a stone and to panic
and repent. But that he's awarded a special decoration for
his cowardice, a mark that protects him and puts the fear
of God into all the others, that's quite odd, isn't it?"

"Of course," I said with interest: the idea began to fas-
cinate me. "But what other way of interpreting the story is
there?"
"Does this interest you at all?" )
kyanited: (Mai)
Title: If it needs one, it could be: "La Donna Del Lago"
Fandom: Original
Word count: ~3000
Pairing: f/f
Warnings: Fatigue-inducing landscape description.
Beta: Many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] shetan83 and [livejournal.com profile] ralst for the quick check.
Last Edit: 01/09/07 4:34pm EST


With the first intake of the crisp morning air I am finally fully awake. As always, I start on the east side of the lake. The mountains surrounding this seemingly calm and small but really dark and cold and viciously deep water hole rise several thousand feet into the sky and it is only in the summer months that the sun reaches the water surface. The rest of the year the lake lies in the shadows of the mountains, sleeping, lurking.

and the lake preys on fools and swallows them )
kyanited: (Default)
    *
sometimes
those farthest away
are the most loved
because
sometimes
the love is so intense
that it would scorch
anyone within reach
    *


    *
the very moment
that I down the fifth shot
to make myself forget
I remember
the reason
why I shouldn't drink.
    *


    *
when I look into her eyes
big and full of questions
and all she asks is "Why?"
Will I be able to say
"Because I loved your mom?"
    *


    *
there is a lot you can drown
in a shot glass
but no matter how hard you try
you cannot drown existence
    *

kyanited: (Default)
many tears have washed
your name from my memory
but your smile remains

no day without you
no day without your beauty
no day without love
kyanited: (Default)
*

[among friends] shared sorrow is halved sorrow, shared joy is doubled joy.

but if he shares his pain with you, it will halve your joy; and if you share your joy with him, it will double his pain.

so don't ask him to be your friend.
*

big L

Oct. 30th, 2006 05:46 pm
kyanited: (Default)

love makes for loyalty
true love makes for true loyalty
unconditional love makes for unconditional loyalty

[is true conditional?]
kyanited: (Default)
18:47 » Φ «  Δ 
I went out to look at the city. Her city. Even when I had been standing there with him, with Ganossa, it had been her city, and we had been trying to take it from her.
I looked at the destruction the last battle had caused. Like ants they had immediately started to repair the damage. But the rain had stopped all activity, and the picture was the same morbid still life I was used to.
It's still her city. But she is not here, not with them. And I briefly wondered, if they were aware of what had befallen their guardian angel. What would they do if they knew what she had done?
She had traded her life, her soul, for mine. She gave herself to Nemesis to save a Lucifer Hawk. She turned her back on her city to save her own flesh and blood. They would hunt her, like they used to hunt us when we were children. The devil's children.
ro.che » Ξ «  ∇ 

kyanited: (rock)
17:08 » Φ «  Δ 
It's raining.
I miss standing on the rooftops, watching the city crouching under the dark clouds.
Chief Isozaki offered to stay with Rally for a moment so I may get some »fresh air«. I laughed. This planet hasn't seen any »fresh air« for decades. Earth's atmosphere is barely breathable, highly polluted and contaminated. But as long as there is some oxygen in the mix, it serves the purpose and people are still out on the streets. Until it rains.
The rain is washing the dirt from the air, coming down as deadly acid, chasing the humans into their shelters, washing from the streets a different kind of dirt.

Rally and I, we're children of Nemesis. Earth's rain does not harm us. The skin tingles on contact, we're half human, too, but there's no damage.

I always enjoyed looking down at the empty city. A calm joy, without excitement. No hurry, no haste, no hustle. A whole city impeded by a drizzle. No Lucifer Hawk attack has ever had this effect.

ro.che » Ξ «  ∇ 

kyanited: (rock)
00:23 » Φ «  Δ 
I have no home.

Mana offered to take me with her, but I declined. I don't think I could stand it. And I don't want to leave Rally. Not as long as she is.... like this.

Mana insisted that I get some sleep. I reminded her politely of what I am. I don't need sleep. I need to be here, with Rally. I won't leave her, I won't lose her again.

Mana still insisted that I need to take care of myself. Rally will need me when she wakes up.

At last, Chief Isozaki had a second bed brought into Rally's room. She never gives up. When I had been fighting her, I found that to be an annoying trait. Sometimes amusing, sometimes pathetic, when she tried to protect Rally's life, ready to give her own. Now her persistence is not any less annoying. But I am thankful. I know, ultimately it's Rally she cares about. But for now I can ignore that. I am tired. Tired from watching Rally, and tired of guarding myself. Ever since I left her, I had been watching her, and ever since I joined the Lucifer Hawk, I had to guard myself against everyone around me.

There is no friendship among the Lucifer Hawk, only loyality to power. And when you let your guard down, you'll be overpowered.

Finally, I can get some rest. Ironic that it's in the presence of those who had been my worst enemies only a short time ago.

But with Mana, I feel safe. I could always trust her. She is a reliable opponent. I have known her for years. She is honest. She has no secret agenda. If I had to fear her now, I would know.
ro.che » Ξ «  ∇ 

kyanited: (Default)
03:37 » Φ «  Δ 
/ Chief.
/ Rosa.
/ Are you checking on me or on her?
/ Both, I think. - Any change?
/ No, she is still sleeping.
/ Rosa. You, of all people, know that she is not sleeping.
/ It's not a coma.
A sigh.
/ It's a healing dreamscape.
/ I know, Rosa. We created it. Still, it doesn't mean...
/ No, she will wake up! She will come back! ... she wants to.
A gasp.
/ Rosa - ! You did not... ?
/ I had to. There were things that needed to be said.
/ But Rosa! The risk! You could have -
/ - been trapped there, yes. But I had to make sure she knows.
/ Rosa, don't you know? You are the only one she would come back for. You are the anchor. If she came back only to find you a mindless shell... - it would destroy her.

So, that's the truth. They take care of me because they think I am the key to her return.
I tried to hurt her, for so long. And they protected her, from me, from her real family. But am I real, when it was them who stood by her side? Aren't they her family, her real family, shouldn't she come back for them?
She forgave me, every single time, but they could not.
In that dreamscape... She was so beautiful, so strong. Her smile... like an angel...
I don't blame them.
I cannot forgive myself.
ro.che » Ξ «  ∇ 

kyanited: (Default)
20:15 » Φ «  Δ 
She is still sleeping.
ro.che » Ξ «  ∇ 

kyanited: (Default)
People should be "allowed" to reject gifts that harm them, that make them sad or unhappy.

People shouldn't be forced to accept a burden just because it's labeled "gift".

People should be allowed to reject God's gift of life, if it only causes them pain and grief.

Daunting

May. 23rd, 2006 06:29 pm
kyanited: (Default)
Shadow

The precious herb is
Next to a beautiful rose
Only common weed.
kyanited: (Default)


Radiance

Would you, for a while,
Indulge me and allow me
to bathe in your smile?
kyanited: (hell_sig_av)
Does she dance.

On graves. On hearts. On empty streets.

Is her dress flowing in the wind that was breath?

Are her eyes closed,
when the vibrations
hit her chest?


Does she bend or will she break...


Will there be silence.

Or a crimson scream.


Or just stillness.

And another breath.


Before she leaves.


No tears. No tears.

Not in her dress. Not in my eyes.


Only stains.

On her dress, on my skin.


Undamaged.

But affected.


Used.

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